Jules, 25.
I talk a lot, think a lot, write a lot.
Not everyone likes what I have to say, so this will be my personal space.
If you don't like what you read, you can always leave. I didn't force you to stay.

Everyone pretends to be

and you are no exception

I don’t like her. So what?

Well, okay, it’s not that I don’t like her. It’s more that I want to be her. Partially. And that’s why almost every time I see her (or a picture of her) I want to scream and shout and kick and pound my fists to the floor in a hissy fit my three-year-old-self would be proud of.

I’m sorry, I need to vent. So for those of you who are not interested in personal stuff, just ignore this post. For those of you who are brave enough … You’ve been warned.

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Day Zero - 10 new books

  1. Dash & Lily’s Book of Dares - David Levithan & Rachel Cohen
  2. Divergent - Veronica Roth
  3. Death and Life of Bobby Z - Don Winslow
  4. The Hollow - Agatha Christie
  5. After The Funeral - Agatha Christie
  6. (Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist - David Levithan & Rachel Cohen)
  7. (Dead Witch Walking - Kim Harrison)
  8. (Timeless - Gail Carriger)
  9. (Insurgent - Veronica Roth)
  10. ( - )

Spring Cleaning

Or: Clearing out my wardrobe part 1. Part 1 because I kinda have two, one at my parents’ place and one at my own.

I am a bit afraid of moving to another country (if all works out next year) and deciding on the most important clothes. (I already consider booking business class, because my favorite airline allows two pieces with 32kg / 70lbs each.)

Anyways, I already filled one huge bag with stuff I haven’t worn in ages. Last time I filled two bags and guess what? Both ended up in our basement. Mom’s comment: “In case you want to wear them again.” Yeah… no. It’s not likely that I suddenly want to wear a too small t-shirt I haven’t worn in 5 years.

And I’m only halfway through, so I’ll be better off again. :)

Home again

I’m back home. And my dash is too full. But I want to catch up, so I’ll probably do that over the next few days…

Tenerife was pretty awesome. It was warm (always between 68°F/20°C and 86°F/30°C), we were close to the beach and the food was good.

Pictures will follow later (they had some awesome shows at the Loro Parque), but here are a few things we / I did:

I read following books: Dash & Lily’s Book of Dares, The Death and Life of Bobby Z, The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight, Divergent, The Hollow. I started reading After The Funeral, but I didn’t finish it (yet). I would have started (and finished) Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist, but The Hollow seemed longer, so I read that instead. (Also: The Hollow belongs to the friend I traveled with.)

I watched three shows at the Loro Parque: One with sea lions, one with killer whales and one with dolphins. They say that the shows with the killer whales and the dolphins are as good as the ones in Seaworld. Unfortunately I can’t compare, but all three were pretty awesome.
On Saturday evening there was someone from the eagle park with a golden eagle and an owl and we got pictures taken with the eagle. It was an amazing feeling! 

I hate traffic circles. And serpentines. And any combination thereof. *shudders*

And as mom says: There’s always some kind of loss. Things we lost: My self-knitted Gryffindor scarf (I’ll buy new wool tomorrow), a lock and some skin (I scraped my knee on the last evening).
But since I’m weird, I also bought lots of new stuff. Mostly food (I LOVE Corn Nuts, but you can’t get them where I live). But also a new scarf.

Now it’s 10:30 pm, my brain says it’s still 9:30 pm and my inner clock screams at me to go to bed because it’s too late no matter what time it actually is. And I guess I’ll just do that. Grab a book, my mp3 player and head for bed.

There are times when you know that your life is good, but you’re still not happy.

I’m leaving for Tenerife tomorrow with a friend, 8 days full of relaxing, swimming, reading and hopefully sunshine. But all I can think of is that I want to be “home”. Even though it isn’t actually home and never was cause I lived there for six weeks only and I knew which bus to take when I wanted to go downtown and almost all the shortcuts to the grocery store, but that’s not enough…

But it felt like home. With sun and friends and lots of laughing. Those kind of friends that invite you for dinner, just because you wrote that you are a bit homesick.
I guess my favorite memories will always be “swimming” in the Pacific Ocean and graduation ceremony.

And one day, hopefully, I can call it home…

I always knew I was different

So, most people have test anxiety.

I have result anxiety. (The last time I was afraid was before my first Japanese exam, because I didn’t know what to expect. And that was five years ago.)

It has been that way since high school. While everyone around me freaked out shortly before an exam, I was as calm as it gets.
But when we got the exams back, everyone around me was calm and I freaked out. Sometimes it got so bad that my friends had to look at my results first before I even dared looking. And my parents never really cared about my grades. Yes, they were happy when I came home with a good grade, but they didn’t yell at me when it was bad. Heck, I even failed math in my school leaving exam and they weren’t angry.

I remember that last year I was afraid of failing an exam I had studied for eight ours daily for over a week. The results had been available for close to two weeks when I finally dared looking. (Yes, I passed.)

And now the results for the second “language experience” exams are up. And I am afraid. I can’t be that bad, because I graduated with high honors from my level six English class in the US last summer. (I would have been one of two level seven students, but there was no level seven at that time.) And my essay teacher in the US gave me an A for every essay I wrote. But that doesn’t change a thing. It’s different here.

So now I try to gather my courage to look up the results…